A thesis statement is, first of all, a statement. That means that it can be more than one sentence long. For longer, more involved papers, or for papers with very complex arguments, this statement may comprise several sentences, or even paragraphs or pages. The purpose of the thesis is to capture the essence of what you're trying to say in the paper--it should encapsulate the controlling ideas of your essay. When writing your thesis, try to avoid stating the obvious. Also avoid simply rewording the beliefs or viewpoints of your sources. Try to map out the direction of your paper, as this gives both you and your reader an indication of where you're going.
Once you become more confident in your essay writing, you might also find yourself experimenting with an implied thesis. In this type of essay, the thesis is not explicitly stated, but rather implied by a very clear, well-developed text that has an inherent sense of direction. For instance, you might write an essay which, for the most part, details your first trip to Marineland. If, through your clear, concrete, and vivid selection of detail and description, an impression emerges that the experience was traumatic for you and important in forming a personal stance against the captivity of wild animals, then you have implied a thesis. In this case, it isn't necessary for you to explicitly state that you don't believe in the continued use of zoos and aquariums.
Assess the following explicitly stated thesis statements. Determine whether or not they are an effective response to the topic question.
Topic: Should zoos, first established in the nineteenth century, be abolished? Provide a well-supported argument in defence of your thesis. Write your essay with a general audience in mind.
Sample thesis: "Zoos are cruel to animals and should therefore be abolished."
Comment: This thesis takes a position on the issue, but overall is quite vague. In what ways are zoos cruel to the animals? Why does this level of cruelty warrant the abolition of zoos?
Sample thesis: "Zoos are good in some ways, but not so good in others."
Comment: This thesis is vague in terms of both its position and direction. It takes a fence-sitting position in that it's unclear whether or not the writer favours the abolition of zoos.
Sample thesis: "Zoos provide an invaluable service and therefore should not be abolished."
Comment: Again, this thesis establishes a position on the topic, but it could be clearer in terms of direction. What is the "invaluable service" provided by zoos? Is this invaluable service unique to zoos, thereby supporting the view to keep them?
Sample thesis: "All zoos are cruel to animals; they house defenceless beasts in horrid conditions that breed disease and lead to premature death. Therefore, these inhumane establishments should be abolished."
Comment: While this thesis is emotionally powerful (in its use of language) and specific in terms of why zoos warrant abolition, it could be strengthened by moderating the initial generalization. Are all zoos equally cruel? Have some zoos made progress in terms of treating and housing animals? Are all zoos inhumane? The writer here must be well-prepared to support the generalizations and assumptions.
Sample thesis: "Zoos are a necessary part of our society and must be kept."
Comment: This takes a clear position in terms of keeping zoos, but it needs to be more specific in order to provide direction for the reader. In what ways are zoos a necessary part of society?
Sample thesis: "While some zoos have genuinely attempted to improve the living conditions and treatment of animals in captivity, most still offer squalid, cramped conditions not much improved over their nineteenth-century counterparts. With a proliferation of large, animal-friendly game farms and wildlife preserves, changes in social attitudes, and advances in technology, it no longer seems necessary to maintain the outdated establishment known as the 'zoo' in order to save the animals or learn from them."
Comment: This thesis takes a clear position for abolishing zoos and specifically maps out the direction the writer intends to take. While in this case the writer intends to discuss three major points, the scope of the paper could be easily modified to cover only one or two of the points. Notice that the writer begins with a concession. Also, note that by mapping out which major points are of interest, the writer imposes a inherent sense of organization on the text.
Sample thesis: "It is unacceptable for animals to be treated inhumanely in zoos. This is why changes have been, and are being, made all over the world. Advancements in habitat research have enabled modern zoos to create a healthy environment for animals. Of course, while the captive surroundings can never fully mimic life in the wild, we can do our best to see that the animals live comfortable, fruitful lives. Such compromises are necessary because zoos provide an invaluable service to society through the medical and wildlife research their existence facilitates."
Comment: This thesis takes a clear position in favour of keeping zoos. It also offers an effective concession and maps out the implicit direction for the paper that will follow.
